Malcolm Campbell

BODY PIERCER

AKA “The Irate Primate”

Once upon a time, in a tattoo parlor far, far away, Malcolm stumbled into the world of body piercing. But it wasn’t some grand revelation or a mystical calling—it was just an ongoing joke with his buddy, Cory. You see, they’d sit there, sipping their coffee, and Cory would nudge Malcolm, saying, “Hey, Mal, you spend more time here than the shop cat. Why not become a piercer?”

And so, fueled by caffeine and a questionable sense of destiny, Malcolm embarked on his piercing journey. Forget the Electrical trade; those wires were too shocking for his delicate sensibilities. Plus, his knees creaked louder than a rusty swing set. Old age was creeping up on him like a persistent telemarketer.

But Malcolm had a secret weapon: his hands. Those gnarled, weathered mitts could thread a needle through a raisin blindfolded. So, he ditched the voltages and circuits, donned a leather apron, and became the Piercing Picasso. Oliver, the shop’s resident guru, took him under his wing. Piercing training? Check. Hands-on demonstrations? Double-check. Book knowledge?

Malcolm's Portfolio:

Well, Malcolm skimmed a pamphlet once, but who needs books when you’ve got a banana and a dream?

And thus, Malcolm hit the ground running—literally. He sprinted from one piercing station to another, wielding his sterilized banana like a pro. What started as a joke became his life’s mission. His motto? “When life gives you bananas, pierce 'em!”

Malcolm’s dedication knew no bounds.
Malcolm’s pièce de résistance? The follow-up calls. He’d ring up clients during their healing process, like a concerned grandma checking on her grandkids. “Hey, Brenda, how’s that nipple ring treating you? Any bruising? And remember, no scratching—it’s not a lottery ticket!”

So, if you’re ever in town, swing by DivineInk. He’ll pierce anything—ears, noses, even your existential dread.

Remember, folks: Life is short. Get pierced.

All initial jewelry is either internally threaded or threadless, ASTM F136 implant grade titanium. We do not accept outside jewelry for initial piercings.

VIEW/DOWNLOAD PIERCING PRICES HERE! (PDF FILE)